EvenUS Get the app

The mental load quiz for couples

Twenty questions about who notices, plans and remembers things in your home. It takes about four minutes. Afterwards you can send it to your partner and see where your answers differ, which tends to be the interesting bit. Nothing is stored and there’s no sign-up.

Two partners at a kitchen table comparing answer cards, with a calendar, a shopping bag and a bill floating around them
Food and the home

1. Who usually does this? Notice when something is running low and get it on the list.

2. Who usually does this? Decide what you will eat this week.

3. Who usually does this? Spot that something in the home needs fixing, and arrange for it to be fixed.

4. Who usually does this? Know when the laundry, cleaning or bins need doing, without being asked.

Money and admin

5. Who usually does this? Keep track of bills, subscriptions and when they renew.

6. Who usually does this? Notice when spending is drifting and bring it up.

7. Who usually does this? Remember deadlines for insurance, tax, the car or passports.

8. Who usually does this? Keep the paperwork findable: warranties, contracts, records.

Family and social life

9. Who usually does this? Remember birthdays and sort out the presents.

10. Who usually does this? Keep in touch with family and arrange visits.

11. Who usually does this? Plan weekends, holidays and evenings out.

12. Who usually does this? Reply to invitations and keep the shared calendar up to date.

Health and care

13. Who usually does this? Book the doctor, dentist and other appointments.

14. Who usually does this? Notice when someone in the home needs something: new shoes, a check-up, a rest.

15. Who usually does this? Keep track of medicines, prescriptions and repeat orders.

16. Who usually does this? Remember a pet’s food, vaccinations and care.

Children

Only if you have children at home.

17. Who usually does this? Know the school’s dates, forms and what to bring each day.

18. Who usually does this? Rearrange childcare, lifts and pick-ups when plans change.

19. Who usually does this? Notice when the children have outgrown clothes or need something new.

20. Who usually does this? Keep track of the children’s activities, homework and appointments.

What this quiz measures

Most chore lists count the doing, like the washing up or the school run. This quiz counts what comes before it. Someone has to notice the dishwasher tablets are nearly gone, decide which ones to buy and then check they actually arrived with the shopping. Researchers call it cognitive household labour, and the sociologist Allison Daminger describes it in four steps: anticipating a need, identifying the options, deciding, and monitoring the result (American Sociological Review, 2019).

That work tends to pile up with one person, because it’s quicker for whoever already has the information to keep hold of it. It’s also hard to see from outside, so two people can honestly remember the same week quite differently.

How to read your result

Your result is the share of the noticing and planning that you feel sits with you, across the questions that apply to your home. Around 50% means it is roughly shared. At 70% or more, most of it runs through you at the moment. At 30% or less, most of it runs through your partner.

The number isn’t a judgement about either of you. Plenty of couples agree an uneven split on purpose, for example when one of you works fewer paid hours. What’s worth asking is whether you both chose it and whether you’d both describe it the same way. If you want the time side as well, the household fairness calculator adds paid work, housework and childcare, and what the mental load is explains the idea in full.

When you and your partner answer differently

It’s very common for both partners to answer “Me” to the same job. Usually you’re each holding a different piece of it. Maya remembers her nephew’s birthday is coming up, and Jordan is the one who orders the present. Sometimes one of you didn’t know a job existed at all. Treat each difference as a question to ask (“what does that one involve for you?”) rather than a point to settle. How to explain the mental load to a partner has words for that conversation.

Questions about the quiz

What is the mental load?

The mental load is the noticing, planning, remembering and deciding behind running a home: knowing the milk is low, that a birthday is coming, that a form is due. Doing the task is a separate thing. Because the thinking leaves no visible trace, the person carrying it can feel worn out and not be able to say why.

How is the result worked out?

Each answer counts as a share of that job: “Me” is all of it, “Mostly me” three quarters, “Both of us equally” half, “Mostly my partner” a quarter and “My partner” none. Your result is the average of those shares across the questions that apply to your home, overall and for each area. Anything marked “Doesn’t apply to us” is left out.

What is a fair result?

Anything around 50% means the noticing and planning is roughly shared. A result well above or below that isn’t a verdict. One of you may have taken on more for a good reason, such as working fewer paid hours. The real test is whether you both agreed to it, and whether it still works for you.

Why should my partner take it too?

Because the most useful part is where your two answers differ. Often both people feel a job is theirs, or one person didn’t know the job existed. Alex might answer “Me” for the car insurance, while Sam had no idea it renews every March. Neither answer is wrong, and the gap between them is usually where the conversation starts.

Are my answers stored anywhere?

No. The quiz runs in your browser and the page keeps nothing. If you send the partner link, your answers are coded into the part of the address after the # sign, and browsers don’t send that part to any server. Anyone with the link can see your answers, so send it only to your partner.

Is this a scientific test?

No. It’s a way to start a conversation. It hasn’t been validated as a psychological measure and it doesn’t diagnose anything. The questions draw on research into cognitive household labour, which splits it into anticipating needs, finding options, deciding, and keeping an eye on how things are going.

See it week by week, not once

The quiz is a one-off snapshot. The EvenUS app asks each of you privately who keeps track of each area, counts that time alongside chores and money, and suggests one thing to try each week. It is in closed testing now.

Your phone

We keep your email, phone type and whether you'll use it together, nothing more. How we use it.